Diary of a Raven
by DarkF4s
Summary: Just a little experiment of mine. The title says it all. 1 year in Raven's life...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay…since I haven't updated for quite some time (still no inspiration) I've decided to leave my other stories that way until I'll come up with something. Until then I'll try something different. This story's gonna be entirely a diary. Nothing more, nothing less. Enjoy. And review if you liked it. Thx guyz. :)

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Teen Titans or anything connected to them in any way. The only thing I own is this story. Bye-bye.

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_01-01-06_

_Friday_

I don't know how to start this. Okay, my name is Raven and I'm a Teen Titan. And this is my diary. I guess. Great, this sounds so idiotic…

Once again. I'm Raven, a member of the Teen Titans. I'm 17 and I live in Jump City in a… T shaped tower. Damn, I don't have a talent for writing such things. Okay, the only reason I'm trying to write this is because I got this dairy as a gift for Christmas. One of the boys here gave me this as a gift and as much as I hate any kind of celebration or these "I-wish-you-a-merry-Christmas" moods I've decided I'll give it a try. You see, I've found out I'll have to try and change at least a bit. Today Beast Boy (he's the one who gave me this diary) made me take a look at the photos he'd made during the last few weeks. He said he wanted to "capture" the true spirit of Christmas. Yeah, right. Anyway, I looked at those pictures. Nothing interesting: boys fooling around, Starfire singing Christmas songs (I never knew how irritating can be their Tamaranian version) and stuff like this. But then something caught my attention as I looked at each of the photos. I wasn't on any of them. There was no photo about me. Usually this would be comforting, as I hate it when people take photos of me, but it made me realize I was missing so much in my life. And all because of my damn powers! How I hate my fath…

Oh no, not again! That's the third window this week. Ah well, at least Cyborg won't be bored (it must be real frustrating for him to constantly fix everything I break). So, as I said (wrote) my telekinetic powers are heavily influenced by my feelings, my emotions. The more I feel, the more powerful and uncontrollable they become. That's why I have to meditate every day to keep my feelings under control. Well, that's the curse of being the daughter of a demon.

Well, it seems I'm getting used to this writing. I guess I'll continue tomorrow. At least I'll have someone (or something) to "talk" to. I feel so lonely. I hate being this way.

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_01-02-06_

_Saturday_

Hmm, the second page. I've counted the pages of this diary, as it seemed to be quite thick. 365 pages! A diary for an entire year. Beast Boy sure has strange ideas. Nothing interesting happened today (it's 8:24 P.M. and I'm lying on my bed). Beast Boy has been sleeping all day as he hadn't slept for 3 days because of parties. Cyborg and Robin are trying to clean up the mess they've left. Someone left a postcard with a "Happy New Year!" written on it. Anonymous of course. I've torn it to pieces and thrown it away. It's so childish to celebrate. There's no point! Why should I celebrate? I'm one year closer to my death. Besides nothing's changed: everything will be just as it was a year ago (fighting criminals, saving the world, meditating and being alone). I think it's better to be constantly "cold" to others. This way I won't be hurt so much the next time something bad happens. That's the way I see my life. Tragedies and cruelty repeating itself over and over again.

But back to something less sorrowful (could it be I'm depressed? I certainly feel like that sometimes). Robin has arranged a training tomorrow, saying it's a good opportunity to get used to fighting in cold weather. He must be blind or dumb! After the years spent together on this team hasn't he noticed I'm always wearing a leotard with just a cape? I'll freeze to death if we'll have to train outside. I'll have a word with him as soon as I'm finished writing this.

I haven't seen Starfire all day. She was probably outside, enjoying the making of "the-man-of-frozen-water" (that's what she calls a snowman). I wouldn't be surprised if this training thing was her idea. She has far too great influence on Robin. Whatever she says is a brilliant idea for him. I'm sure me, Beast Boy and Cyborg will have to train like mad while Robin and Star will be playing like idiots in the snow. I swear Robin sometimes seems to be the least mature of us all. And he's supposed to be our leader.

But why do I care? He's in love, so he's allowed to behave like a child. He doesn't care about anyone except for Starfire…

Why does it feel so bad to see them together? I wish someone would love me as well…


	2. Chapter 2

_01-03-06 _

_Sunday _

It's me again. I spoke with Robin today. He said he didn't understand why shouldn't we practice outside on the "fresh air". Just a small note: in the news they said that this day had been the coldest day in this region since 1932. Thanks a lot Robin. What a jerk! He also said that the others didn't have any problems with going out. Hello! Cyborg is a half-robot, so he can turn off his heat sensors (since most of his body is covered by metal he needs to feel somehow) and Beast Boy can turn into a mammoth. I can't say I'm surprised though. I knew my opinion wouldn't count. So I didn't go out and then they asked why didn't I come I said I felt sick. They fell for it.

So what did I do today? I woke up at 5.00 A.M., as (stupid) Beast Boy set off the alarm in the entire tower by "accidentally" blowing up the kitchen while trying his newest tofu receipt. That kid has serious problems with his brain (if he has one). He's so crazy about not eating meat, saying that it would be like eating himself. But as he can change into a tiger as well I don't see what's his problem. Tigers eat meat…

So after this early waking I got dressed (I won't write about the usual: brush my teeth, wash my face, etc.). It seems my face's getting paler every year. No wonder no one finds me attractive. Oh, not again. See, I'm constantly whining about my problems. I guess that's because I don't speak with anyone about this. But whom could I talk to? None of the other Titans would understand what I feel. Star's too naïve, Robin's too much of a boss, Beast Boy's rarely serious and I don't trust him, and Cyborg…well, maybe he…

Ah, forget it. It's better this way, if everyone thinks I'm creepy and cruel. At least I won't hurt anyone. It's better this way…

I'm not in the mood to continue what happened to me today. In short: nothing's happened, just another one of those boring and lonely days I hate so much. Another day just like my entire life.

* * *

_01-04-06 _

_Monday _

Today was the first sunny day after a long time. I thought the cloud would never disappear, but today sunlight somehow got through. I watched the glistening world from within my gloomy room and I felt really miserable. Ever had the feeling you're worthless, that you don't belong in this world. That's something like what I felt, but it was worse.

Today I heard a new song on the radio. Robin, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire went out to play so I turned up the volume and listened to anything that would make me feel at least a bit better. At first it seemed I wouldn't find anything, but then a strange music caught my attention (I was slipping into one of those depressed states when you lose your touch with reality). Its title was "Never Again". From a band named Dark Force (what kind of an idiot would think of a name like this?). Despite their name the song proved to be quite…soothing. I've never been too interested in rock, but this was different. Its melody was strangely hypnotizing and I even began to nod my head to it (and nothing like this had ever happened to me before). So I liked the song so much I decided to download its lyrics. So, here it is:

_**Dark Force: Never Again**_

**Verse1: **

**You can see the death approaching **

**He is dying in your arms. **

**And you know you can not save him **

**The night has killed the stars. **

**He looks at you with frightened eyes **

**Tries to say one last word. **

**You just cry as he slowly dies **

**And leaves you in this cold world. **

**Refrain: **

**Never again will he smile at you **

**Never again will he kiss you **

**Never again will he dance with you **

**Never again say he needs you. **

**Never again, never again! **

**Verse2: **

**Now he's gone, you can't deny it **

**This truth is your nightmare! **

**You wan to die? You can't hide it **

**You couldn't be happy again. **

**Never again! **

**Refrain: **

**Never again will he smile at you **

**Never again will he kiss you **

**Never again will he dance with you **

**Never again say he needs you. **

**Never again, never again! **

**Verse3: **

**You told him you would always love him **

**Always be at his side **

**But now it's too late, you've lost him! **

**It's too late to say goodbye! **

**Refrain: **

**Never again will he smile at you **

**Never again will he kiss you **

**Never again will he dance with you **

**Never again say he needs you. **

**Never again, never again! **

Okay, that's all for today. I'm going to sleep now. Maybe I'm really sick. My head hurts and I feel dizzy. I can hear Beast Boy and Cyborg arguing (probably once again about that senseless video game they bought for Christmas). I'm just in the mood to send that Gamestation into the darkest dimension. Or better yet, send them...

* * *

_A/N: Just a short note. I won't reply to questions about the next step in thestoryline and my choices. Neither will I tell you the pairing, because there is no pairing (which doesn't mean there won't be love). :) No offense. See ya!_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Just wanted to thank you for the reviews. Luv you guys:)_

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_

01-05-06

_Tuesday_

Finally some action. First we had to stop a bank robbery. The robbers didn't prove to be much of a challenge so we were done with them in a couple of minutes. Just as we got back into the tower we were alerted to a jewelry store at the far side of the city. However when we arrived nothing was wrong. No sign of criminals, the store wasn't robbed and the people haven't seen anything suspicious either. Strange.

The rest of the day was calm. As much as our afternoons can be called calm. First Starfire went to the "mall-of-shopping". A couple of minutes later Robin left on his motorcycle. If they are trying to hide the fact they're a couple they're not good at it. So I spent the rest of the day with Cyborg and Beast Boy. Well, actually, I spent most of the time with Beast Boy as Cyborg went to work on the T-car again (I know how he feels about that car, but this seems to be getting sick).

Beast Boy was surprisingly serious. No stupid jokes, no comments about my "creepiness"… I wonder if he's all right. I could feel that he was bothered by something, but he wouldn't say anything and I didn't want to pry. He didn't even answer when I asked him what was wrong. He just kept telling "I just don't wanna talk about it right now". The only thing that bothers me more than his jokes is when he behaves like this. Doesn't he know how much that worries me…I mean us, as the Teen Titans? He's my teammate and (although it doesn't seem to be true) my friend as well.

I just worry too much. I'm sure tomorrow he'll be okay again. He's just tired or something like that. Speaking of which, I need to sleep as well. It's almost midnight. Goodnight.

* * *

_01-06-06_Wednesday 

2:31 A.M.

I'm awake. I had a nightmare again. About my father of course. I saw him standing in front of me, his hands bloody. We were in the city (I can't recall where exactly) and the sky was black, yet it wasn't night as I could see him and everything else perfectly. Buildings were burning, cars exploding and I could hear screams. But my attention was fixed on something else. On the body which lay at the feet of my father. It was Beast Boy. I don't know what this means, but I'm sure I won't fall asleep again today. I can feel my heart pounding so hard it almost hurts. Let's see…a mirror was broken and there are some new cracks on my new window (Cyborg's going to kill me if he finds out).

5:24 A.M.

I'm still awake, though I feel sleepy. I should've tried to rest at least. My head hurts again. I'm getting dizzy as well. What's wrong with me? I'll try and sleep a bit.

10:11 P.M.

I feel as I if I'd be dying. I'm in the infirmary. The others told me they'd found me unconscious, lying next to my bed and shivering in the morning. I was immediately brought here and was given some pills. Cyborg said I had a fever. I feel so cold. I'm glad Starfire brought me my diary so I can write this down. Maybe I won't have another chance. Maybe I really am dying. In that case:

I'd like to say goodbye to you all. Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin…you were like a family to me. If you're reading this I'm probably dead (if I'm not dead and you're reading this without my permission I'll kill you personally!). I just wanted to apologize for the way I'd behaved so many times. All the things I've said and done…I never meant to hurt you in any way. Don't mourn me, as I don't deserve it. I hope you'll find a good replacement for me. That's all I wanted to say. Goodbye.

Raven

P.S.: I was happy to spend all these years with you.


End file.
